A Mere Reflection
by MikasassQueen
Summary: She wouldn't imagine herself able to do the same, had the serum been in her hand instead. Was he that selfless? Was he ready to step on his heart, sacrifice the life of those who mattered to him, for the sake of humanity and what was best for it? He was, clearly. He proved it. (Ch. 84 Spoilers)


**A/N** : I've been away for a while-months, and I finally brought myself to catch up on the manga and read the chapters I missed. It was such a long ride of emotions, really, and the latest chapter was probably the hardest on the fandom, yet. I loved it so much, and it encouraged me to type a few thousands of words. I had a strong mixture of feelings in my heart while I read that chapter. I felt bad for every single character, no exception, but I also accepted their fate. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings us, and as we wait for it, here's a little something of what I hope to see. Not the actual events that I wrote, necessarily, but the message behind them, most importantly.

I would also like to apologize for any false information I could've possibly implied. As I stated, having left the fandom for a while, I needed to refresh my memory on some facts, and some might have slipped my mind, so excuse that. Feel free to correct me, as long as it's in a nice, respectful way.

I also apologize for any typos whatsoever. I did revise it, but I'm sure I missed some words that needed fixing.

Spoilers ahead, obviously, so read at your own risk.

* * *

"…I see." Levi mumbled the words tiredly, empty of any and all emotion. Hanji had announced it; Erwin was dead. His dream to see the basement and learn the truth about this world would never come true, not to him, at least.

He'd devoted his heart to fight for humanity, because Erwin had asked him to. Erwin was now gone. He wouldn't be there to witness the victory, if there would be one. That was the world they lived in, always had been. So cruel, always taking lives, lives of those who mattered, lives of his comrades.

But _he_ chose to save Armin. He made that decision, because if he truly wanted to save Erwin, it would be by letting him go, he realized, and yet… _Why did he feel so empty?_

* * *

"Armin!" he heard their cries as they rushed to the boy, now melting back into his human form.

His eyes glistened with blankness as he gazed in their direction, watching them surround the boy, welcoming him back to this hell of life.

 _"The savior of humanity isn't me or Erwin! It's Armin! I'm right, aren't I, Mikasa?"_

 _"Please give me the serum"_

Their voices resonated in his head, their desperation and suffering present in every spoken word. He was desperate, too. But he selflessly gave in to their wishes, and saved the life of their precious Armin. That pain of losing a loved one, it never went away. No matter the number, no matter the reason, that wound would never heal. _Their_ wound would never heal.

They were young and innocent, just like Erwin. That kid inside him never died.

"Levi!" Hanji's voice pulled him out of his wave of thoughts, "I reckon we should make a decision, now. We don't have much time. Shall we go after the beast titan? He has Reiner with him."

"No." he said, "I'll go after the beast titan." He'd made a promise to him.

"You're not in the greatest of shapes. Fighting him alone is just stupid."

"I've already done damage to him. It'll take him time before he fully regenerates." Levi stood up, "I'll take out that four-shitted titan carrying him first, and then I'll cut him into pieces…"

"Levi—" Hanji was about to protest, but Levi had already set his mind.

"You go see when Eren's ready to transform again. We still need to seal the inner gate completely." His words were barely audible as he jumped down the roof, swaying his way forward.

* * *

Eren held onto the boy selfishly, squeezing him in his arms adoringly as he sobbed. His heartbeats slow but vibrant, pumping into his small chest. Mikasa's hands gripped Armin's tightly, for Eren denied her enough access to hug him as well, holding the boy so possessively, and she merely touched his hand ever so slightly, tenderly. _He was alive_.

"What's Arlert's condition?" Hanji dropped on the same roof as them, approaching their little gathering.

"Unconscious, but alive." Jean reported.

"Very well…" Hanji nodded, "Commander Erwin's gone." She informed, gaining their full attention, "Eren, we still need you to seal the inner gate for insurance. You've already transformed twice. But It's too risky to let you transform in your current state…" she let out a heavy sigh, "Levi didn't even wait to discuss this properly…"

 _Levi!_ Eren looked behind Hanji's form to try and find Levi's location, but he didn't seem to find him. "Where's…" the question emerged from his mouth urgently, "Where's Captain Levi?"

"He's after the beast titan." Hanji answered, drawing shocked gasps from the squad. "I don't have enough gas to go after him and stop him."

"I do!" Eren stood up, only to feel the absence of weight around his hips. _Shit! He'd given the last of his supplies to Levi!_ "Goddamn it… Captain—I gave them to him…"

"I'll go…" Mikasa stated, and everybody eyed her in startle.

Hanji shook her head at the girl, "Mikasa, you're running short on gas, too."

"I have enough to get to him…" she hoped. At this point she could be running out of gas the moment she jumped off the building. But she was ready to give it a shot.

Giving it a second thought, Hanji nodded, "Hurry up, then." She demanded, receiving a nod from the young girl before she jumped off.

"Mikasa!" Eren yelled, but she barely looked at him as she advanced in mid-air. "Squad Leader Hanji…" he then turned to the woman, "I'll try to transform again."

"Wait until -hopefully- Mikasa brings Levi here. We need to discuss our next move. And I can't risk having you go berserk on us at this moment. We need to replenish our gas cans, first. We already have two unconscious soldiers…" she said, gesturing at Armin and Sasha with her head, "And everyone else is dead, besides us. We can't take risks anymore and afford to lose more lives. We don't know when's our enemy going to attack us again. Yes, their current condition could hold them back for a while. But let's not forget that the beast titan is, by far, the most skilled we've seen. His ability to regenerate, and transform again must surpass yours at a high rate." Hanji explained, "Risking to have you transform now and lose control over yourself would only announce our defeat."

"What's the plan then?" Eren asked, his eyes filled with anger and hopelessness at the same time.

"The plan is to wait, regain as much energy as possible so that we're ready to fight whenever our enemy decides to attack again. We can't proceed with our plan as long as the beast titan and Reiner are alive." Hanji turned around, looking in the distance, "And then… we need our strongest soldiers to be prepared, too."

 _The beast titan_. Eren froze, something in his eyes changing as his mind sunk into deep thoughts. _What could he have possibly meant by those words? What did he know about his father? And how was that he used the two of them?_ His head shook. _No_ , he was only trying to mess with his head, to distract him and confuse him so that it'd be easier to capture him. But then again, those words… they were stuck in his head now.

* * *

His eyes were fixed forward, making sure that -with his lack of strength and attention- he wouldn't swing into a building and damage his already worn-out 3D maneuver gear—Eren's, to be precise. He probably needed to replenish before making his way towards his target, but the thought slipped his mind—no, it never even came close to his mind to even slip away, for it was already filled with other thoughts; other, dangerous thoughts.

 _He shouldn't have come here_. Levi's lips pressed together. He should've broken his legs like he said he'd do. Erwin should've been waiting for them to come back, sitting comfortably in his desk. But no, he trusted his decision.

And it wasn't that he didn't have a chance to save him; he had, but he chose not to. He couldn't yet wrap his head around that fact, and Hanji's words sounded deafening as they played all over again in his ear.

 _He's already left us._

 _Fuck!_ His chest felt tight, and his teeth gritted, then bit harshly on the thin skin of his lower lip. He was angry, sad, and—

"—tain!" he heard a voice. "Captain Levi!"

He recognized the voice now, but he didn't turn around to look. He continued to advance forward, and he heard her closing in behind him.

"Squad Leader Hanji told me to go get you…" Mikasa was sure he could hear her, "to discuss what to do next…" but he wasn't giving her his attention.

"Go back…" he ordered, his voice blank and stiff.

She bit on her lower lip and glared. He was out of it, wasn't he? But then again, so was she, just a few minutes ago when she lashed at him dangerously. "If you come with me…" she openly disobeyed.

He wasn't going to deal with her disobedience, now, or anytime soon, really. He wasn't going to deal with so many things, such as these burning feelings rushing through him vastly. Slightly ignoring the fact that he wasn't thinking straight.

He wasn't coming back with her, she knew. Then she'd have to force him.

He made a quick and sudden turn, hoping that if he sneaked between the buildings he'd lose her. He fired his grapple hook and swung in a half-circle, making another turn around, and another. He didn't hear her behind him anymore, but he was sure she was nearby and would catch up soon enough, and so he kept on hiding behind the buildings as if he were stuck in a maze.

He fired his grapple hook again and turned briefly to look behind him. She wasn't there, good! And before he could turn his gaze straight again, he felt a sudden looseness in his weight, his body slightly falling to the side when he realized; his aim wasn't accurate and the hook didn't attach itself properly. He found himself swinging to the left uncontrollably when suddenly his gas ran out, his weight dragging him down. The left hook was still stuck onto a building, which kept him hanging, but still, the force in which he slammed into the hard surface was enough to shake his consciousness. He didn't faint, nonetheless.

There were some tiny holes in the walls that he could possibly stick his fingers and feet into and climb up to find a sizeable space for him to stand on to ensure he wasn't hanging so dangerously high. There was a window not far up his head. With a few climbs he could reach it. He shook his head to rid himself of the dizziness. His weight was too much on the single wire that was keeping him hanging, and as he tried to find a spacious enough crack to hold onto, he felt the wire go loose. Small bits of debris fell on his head as the sensitive wall snapped, and the hook detached.

 _Shit!_ His reflexes were too slow, so unlike him, and his weight pulled him down immediately. It was miraculous when he felt something wrap around his chest; an arm, and a weight press to his body from behind, catching him mid-air accurately before the gravity was too heavy on him. He saw bits of a crimson fabric flutter above his head, and it didn't take him long to know whom it belonged to.

His strength _was_ that lacking, she confirmed. Mikasa was able to fire her grapple hook one last time and swing forward before her gas can let out one last puff to declare its emptiness. She gave it a hard push to ensure a safe landing, but there was nothing in front of them but a building—and a window that, if she angled herself correctly, she could possibly break into. The least she could do was make sure he wouldn't take the most damage if they ever ended up falling to the ground, making sure she held him tight against her.

The speed at which they flew began to die, and maybe even if she couldn't make it, she'd be close enough to toss him inside. She straightened her leg, letting her body relax back as if she were magically lying in the air. She closed her eyes, silently making her last prayers before she felt her feet hit the glass, breaking through it.

 _Yes!_ She silently cheered as they were inside the building, falling almost instantly, and her hold on him loosened, the two rolling away from each other across the floor. She slammed into something hard; a wall, she realized, and it drove her senses weak as everything around her spun weirdly, everything seeming inexplicably larger than its regular size. She held her head, as if trying to stop the spinning. Her breaths were fast and uneven, and her heart pumped hard against her chest. She looked at him with her very vague sighting ability, and saw him sitting on the floor, his upper half pressed onto a bed.

 _Good!_ She breathed out, he was okay.

 _They were so lucky—he was so lucky,_ she saved his ass.

But then again, so did he. She pressed her palms to the rigid floor and pushed herself up to sit. Her vision was slowly stabilizing again, her dizziness fading away as she rose from the floor. "Captain…" she called when he didn't move, "Are you alright?"

 _No._ "Yes…" he finally pushed himself off the bed, sitting down on the ground and pressing his back against the object, his hollow eyes digging into the floor with sharp, yet soft gazes. His body felt so weak, his muscles too numb to move, they ached, everything did.

"You should've waited for us instead of going on your own." She scolded him, but her tone was tender, careful— _pitying_. "Please fall back, for now."

It drove a flashback back to his mind briefly, from that time when he'd caught her chasing the female titan. And he'd told her almost the exact same words. He was silent, her words not shaking a single of his features. They were spoken tenderly, but the serious, demanding tone present nonetheless. He'd always been silent, with her, had it been someone else, they'd be rolling on the ground, praying for the god above to silence them from ever throwing orders at him or talking back to him again.

His pulse was still uneasy, and he felt his chest and head throb restlessly in pain. "How's…" the question tugged at the edge of his lips, letting the final word fall gently, "…Armin?"

Her eyes blinked at him, almost not having expected him to ask. She averted her gaze away and answered, "Alive…" _thanks to yo_ u, she didn't add.

He only nodded, letting silence fall between them for a while.

This man before her couldn't be her captain. She eyed him with a sharp gaze, analyzing him; his brows were no longer furrowed, his eyes no longer shooting daggers at everything they met, but the corners of his lips still curled down. She'd only seen his face relaxed that one time he smiled at them and thanked them. It was quite the view, to see a different side of him rather than the usual, stoic one. And there she was witnessing yet another side of him unfold before her eyes.

The way he'd rushed forward when she'd caught him in the air was so… not like him. It was reckless, thoughtless, and she knew that sooner or later he'd bump into a wall and break a bone or two. It fell upon her shoulders to ensure the strongest soldier of humanity remained intact, for the sake of everything they'd done until now.

Her eyes had widened as a sudden image displayed before her, a flashback of some sort, from the day she thought she'd lost Eren, when Armin had told her that he was eaten. She'd accepted his death, outwardly, and fooled her comrades into a suicide mission with a selfish, powerful speech.

She'd gone first, carelessly consuming all her gas as her blood boiled with rage and sorrow. She'd lost her dear, precious Eren. She'd lost her family, and she'd had no reason to fight for. She'd almost given up if it hadn't been for the memory of him to strike her with a sudden urge to survivor, to hold onto life tight and fight, no matter what.

She tugged at her warm scarf and pulled it just above her mouth, burying her nose in it.

She'd almost lost Eren again, almost gotten herself killed, too. But he'd saved them. Levi had saved her, and then Eren, and now… He'd saved Armin, too.

He'd saved her family.

He owed her nothing, but she owed him everything. He taught her how to restrain her feelings in the battlefield, how to trust in Eren and ease the obligation in her heart to protect him all the time. She was doing all too well, until now. It was stupid—selfish and inconsiderate of her to lash at him like that, selfish but also selfless at the same time, because she'd give her own life if it meant Armin would live, if it meant her family would survive, if it meant Eren and Armin would live to see the ocean, together. That was their dream, anyway, and she only embraced it because it was theirs.

She felt guilty for not considering the importance of Erwin's life, for fighting her captain to greedily save her childhood friend. But she couldn't handle another loss, and neither could he, it seemed.

Was Erwin to him, what Eren was to her? Her chest ached at that thought, for she'd been there before, and it hadn't been pretty. But she'd found her purpose again and fought. He hadn't found his, yet.

"Thank you, Captain…" she murmured delicately, "for saving Armin…"

He only gazed at her briefly before looking down again, "I wasn't going to…"

"But you did…"

"But I did…" he nodded.

She wouldn't imagine herself able to do the same, had the serum been in her hand instead. Was he that selfless? Was he ready to step on his heart, sacrifice the life of those who mattered to him, for the sake of humanity and what was best for it? He was, clearly. He proved it, and the real question lingering behind all those was whether she was ready for that. She wasn't. She so painfully wasn't, and she should be, because this was the world they lived in, cruel.

"I'm sorry." Her heart pumped at the slightest thought of her having to let Eren or Armin go one day, and if it made her chest ache as it was only in her head, how painful must it be to him? "About Commander Erwin… and about… attacking you and… being inconsiderate and letting my feelings get in the way. I wasn't thinking straight and I am ready for any punishment you desire." She stood tall before him, her left arm bending behind her back as she balled her right hand into a fist and placed it above her chest—her heart. Her eyes wouldn't look at him as she spoke, "I promise—swear I won't ever again disobey your orders, Captain."

His eyes locked into her tall figure, drawing a bit of life on his dead face. His lips parted, his breath caught in his throat at the sound of guilt in her voice. "Mikasa…" he called, a frown beginning to appear across his lips again, and she finally met his gaze, "I wasn't…" he sighed softly, closing his eyes, "I wasn't thinking straight, either…"

Her eyes popped open at his confession, her lips barely parting to let out a silent, contained gasp. He wasn't, was he? He'd hit Eren again and sent him flying away, and for the most part, that was what had led her last nerve to explode, and yet. He made a decision, and it was a selfless one.

Her admiration for the man could only grow bigger.

Could she ever be like him one day? Maybe. He'd already left his mark on her.

"Well then…" her hands dropped to her sides, and she stepped closer to him. He was grieving, and he needed comfort. It had been long since, but Hanji had held her in her arms, soothing her, calming her down, and it had given her such a warm feeling, a feeling she deeply longed for. Maybe he longed for it, too, more than she did. When was the last time someone ever held him close? She wondered, and she sat beside him, her arms wrapping around his broad shoulders. He didn't move, but she felt him stiffen at the sudden contact. It must have been a long time.

Her chin rested on his shoulder, and she could feel his body ease against hers. He was becoming more relaxed, and eventually, his own head rested on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." She mumbled to him sweetly, and he closed his eyes.

She was just like him, strong but breakable, contained but emotionally driven, and in the end, it only made them the more human.


End file.
